Postpartum

im in my confinement leave, exactly @day 16. Im a bit stress. I have 2 kids now, n baby is with me, while the eldest uwais is with his fsther, khairul. Im stress with my husband currently until it always popped up in my mind, y am i married to this guy? The kelantan guy? Y did i marry this guy. Is this a mistake? I dont think he is loving me anymore. I dont think he cares about me. He only cares about his children, but not the women who is carrying his children for last 9 months. He always say about wanna get married with  another woman. Yeah, i think he should get married. I dont wanna get impregnated with his children anymore. Im tired. I felt useless. Not being care anymore. I do feel relieve a bit when writing this here. Im going to start my study this weekend. I have to focus on it. I really dont wanna go to arab and stay with him for 2 months. I feel shit. I wanna go for umrah but not staying home with him. I just hope everything will end. Dats n dat.

I love u uwais syg.

Its been a while. I did not write. Almost 3 years. I went through 2 new phase of my life. I got married 1 year ago n currently 5 months pregnant. Such a wonderful journey. But i dunno how long the marriage can last..... i quarrel. Its sweet and bitter of marriage. I know it is. I was thinking its okay. I can move on. There is someone in my uterus which i have to move on. Wether its as a single mother or not, yet i will always be as he is far away.  So.. im dumbfounding myself right now. Saying im strong. I dun wanna let myself down.. im moving forward. Wether without him or not.. but i will always cherish the alien inside me. I love u so much uwais syg. My hunny bunny. Pls wait until u r 9 months syg. Pls be mature enough. I love u from the 1st moment i know ur presence...