It's been a while I don't write here. When I read back my blogspot I last wrote was in 2019. Before I enter my postgrad. Now it has been 6 year from the date. I think my maturity has changed a lot. A lot of things has happened. N the last resort for me to clear up my mind is by writing. I think year 2026 was a bad year for me. Everything I plan didn't happen eventually. Yes, I know, ALLAH is the best planner. But I would say that 2026 was one fucking year.bi failed my exams again. That was my 2nd attempt. I only manage to go thru akt, but failed kfp. I was devastated at that time, until I felt that He doesn't like me, HE abonden me. Then my anniversary, I felt so helpless. I thought it would be something I look forward as I'm so sure I will pass. And at the same time. That year my husband unable to come back home during eid aidilfitri due to Iran wars. I had an argument during raya when I'm just saying to my siblings, pls take care of mak too. I'm tired. Hm....I'm tired really are. Then, I try to wake up my life, I appeal to HIM. Dear ALLAH pls help me to pass my exams. I'm so tired n weak. Then things happen again when I was supposed to fly to Riyadh with the kids, then the houthi attacking Saudi especially Riyadh causing our flight to cancel. Weyh. I'm tired. My son just diagnosed of growth hormone deficiency. Im still digesting it. Then this happen. I want my husband. I wanna cool my emotions. Then this happened again. I just felt 2026 is a fucking bad year for me. I think I have to make up my mind. Thinking that my husband will not be here with us. I have to decide on doing the best thing for the kids. He is there in saudi but it's impossible for him to be here in msia. If accidentally u read this, my husband, u should know that I'm really sad this year. I just hope 2026 end much better n 2027 pls be nice to me. As I cried too many times this year with sadness. I just hope I will stay sane n pass my exams.. Amin ya rabb.
Saturday, November 7, 2026
Saturday, December 28, 2019
Postpartum
im in my confinement leave, exactly @day 16. Im a bit stress. I have 2 kids now, n baby is with me, while the eldest uwais is with his fsther, khairul. Im stress with my husband currently until it always popped up in my mind, y am i married to this guy? The kelantan guy? Y did i marry this guy. Is this a mistake? I dont think he is loving me anymore. I dont think he cares about me. He only cares about his children, but not the women who is carrying his children for last 9 months. He always say about wanna get married with another woman. Yeah, i think he should get married. I dont wanna get impregnated with his children anymore. Im tired. I felt useless. Not being care anymore. I do feel relieve a bit when writing this here. Im going to start my study this weekend. I have to focus on it. I really dont wanna go to arab and stay with him for 2 months. I feel shit. I wanna go for umrah but not staying home with him. I just hope everything will end. Dats n dat.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)