Postpartum

im in my confinement leave, exactly @day 16. Im a bit stress. I have 2 kids now, n baby is with me, while the eldest uwais is with his fsther, khairul. Im stress with my husband currently until it always popped up in my mind, y am i married to this guy? The kelantan guy? Y did i marry this guy. Is this a mistake? I dont think he is loving me anymore. I dont think he cares about me. He only cares about his children, but not the women who is carrying his children for last 9 months. He always say about wanna get married with  another woman. Yeah, i think he should get married. I dont wanna get impregnated with his children anymore. Im tired. I felt useless. Not being care anymore. I do feel relieve a bit when writing this here. Im going to start my study this weekend. I have to focus on it. I really dont wanna go to arab and stay with him for 2 months. I feel shit. I wanna go for umrah but not staying home with him. I just hope everything will end. Dats n dat.

I love u uwais syg.

Its been a while. I did not write. Almost 3 years. I went through 2 new phase of my life. I got married 1 year ago n currently 5 months pregnant. Such a wonderful journey. But i dunno how long the marriage can last..... i quarrel. Its sweet and bitter of marriage. I know it is. I was thinking its okay. I can move on. There is someone in my uterus which i have to move on. Wether its as a single mother or not, yet i will always be as he is far away.  So.. im dumbfounding myself right now. Saying im strong. I dun wanna let myself down.. im moving forward. Wether without him or not.. but i will always cherish the alien inside me. I love u so much uwais syg. My hunny bunny. Pls wait until u r 9 months syg. Pls be mature enough. I love u from the 1st moment i know ur presence...

ramdhan al mubarak. :)

salam.

its been a while not writing. ;)

today, ive finish my hoship. alhamdulilah.

praise to HIM for everything.

all the moments dat i gained during my hoship

i will cherish it.

last 2 year, on the same date where i started working as a gov officer

i never thought i will finish my hoship with my good friend. 

had a good last oncall as a houseman officer with only 1 admission 

after 12am. see, im not jonah! hehe

my last posting in paeds, i really enjoyed it. 

will be floating here for a month too. 

looking forward to b a paediatrician, insyaALLAH.

enough with work, i think. if i talk about work, there will b no ending. he.

bulan of ramadhan is a blessing month.

where i got to learn my iman all dat, n was fortunate 

to have the oppurtunity to experience it again.

t iwas also a month, where sumone approach me, as a friend.

im glad to get to know sumone better. n im happy of course.:) 

even though, he will b leaving soon, im glad to know him.

i hope he will b back soon. 

take care dear. will b waiting for u always. :)

new side income? insyaALLAH

salam.
Alhamdulillah. ALLAH tu maha kaya, pemberi rezeki.

tergerak bertanya pada seorg kawan akan perniagaan yg sedang di ceburi.

its something im waiting for. sleeping partner.

yes. iwanted to join a bussiness as a sleeping partner.

n ive join it.

boss venture? ada org da biasa dgr ada yg x?

for me, its a new platform for me to have a side income..

y? x cukup ke? gaji doktor? bAK kata org la.

no, everyone have their own responsibilty, it same goes to me.

niat ak nak masuk is, ak nak selesaikan semua hutang before ak pergi  buat umrah @ haji.

yes. y? sbb ak x nak, apa2 jadi, aku menyusahkan org sekeliling. i dont want dat to happen.

dosa da la mmg byk. huuu... jgn la amik pahala ak yg sikit sgt tu.

haish...


doakan berjaya ye? insyaALLAH.. with HIS will. amin.

i dont why my heart flutters

my heart flutters when he reply my fb walls or message.
coz he rarely reply my fb wall and messages.
i dont know why.
my face will flush.
i dont know why.
i have never seen him more than 7 years.
and i only know him as a group leader for 2 weeks.
never able to talk to him.
what is this?
im confused.
i got jealous when he replies a girl walls.
i dont know why.

he is far, yet unable to contact..

OH ALLAH. if he is for me, may he be the one that bring me to jannah.
or vanish this feeling or give it to the exact person. amin.

huuu..kill your darling?

assalamualaikum ang hi to everyone.

kill your darling..
one of the quote ak dpt drpd pahrol juoi- di mana DIA di hatiku?

yup. aku akui ak amik masa yg lama. sgt lama hbskan.

byk yg aku alpakan.

terlampau byk dunia ni yang menghayalkan ak. bersorak syaitan serta rakan2 mereka
dgn aku yg teralpa.

terlampau byk kebaikan ak lupakan. terlampau byk amal aku tinggalkan

aku bukan aku lagi. ak da jauh berubah.

hm.... kecewa dan hampa akan masa yang di tinggalkan begitu sahaja.

sekarang, sedang mengumpul kembali.

belajar kembali drpd zero. asas2 yg sepatutnya.

kill your darlings? apa darling ak?

ak pn x sure. im searching for it. money? family? work? time?

but since ak bzkan diri dgn locum ni. ak rasa lagi bnyk ak manfaatkan masa.
masa tu la nak blaja, keja, kumpul duit, solat suma. sukan je xda daaa...

n masa dgn familyyy... arghhh.. semoga dipermudahkan segalanya. amin.

its a new year of 2014

its a new year of 2014.
yet, im alone.
still single, but have lots of support from parents n family.
i dun expect 2014 to b more exciting.
i just hope dat miracles do occur this year.
its  year, where i dunno where i will b sent after hoship.
maybe somewhere far?
i dunno myself.
but one i do know, my house.
yeay. get to live in my own house,
house where i dream to share with my husband n children.
house where i will c them grown up to b soleh n solehah children.
to b a real muslim.
yes, its a dream of mine. to c them grown up with me.
yet, i did not found him yet.
deep in my heart, i wanna a husband who fulfill his obligation to HIM.
i want him to b a guidance for me in finding HIM.
n i want it to b in a correct way.
in love after marriage. its the best.
its upsetting when seeing couples who not end up marriage.
couple n love before marriage i wud say its wasting of time, money, n
energy. n u build lots of sins not only to u, but for the ladies, it involves
ur brother n father too.

hm, im just hoping, n pray to HIM for the best.

may this year makes me more stronger in finding HIM.
insyaALLAH. amin.

regards,
nasirah nasir.

lost

i think, im far way from HIM??? need of being guide. guide from HIM... yup. lost. thats the word. ramadhan coming. n nothing have i done. may I try my best, amin..

baitulmuslim 2.0- a new experience.

salamalaik.
its been a while. i did not update my blog.
yup, i know im not a blog maniac.
just i write something when i wanna write..hehe

yesterday i went to baitulmuslim 2.0 >sebelum aku bernikah< @ PICC.
its a new experienced to me.
ive never join any seminar as it involves money when i was in medical school
coz i dun have enough money. >_<
actually, if i knew, all the seminars will be very useful, i think i will join
even if i dun have money during my med school.

Baitulmuslim 2.0 is very useful to me.
i think most of the people around us think dat, people who went to the event i because
they are mostly will get married soon.
my anwser is a BIG NO!!!!!!
Im not going there because i wanna get married..me, im single (it's like an announcement here)
but i went there.. because i wanna gained experienced, i wanna scoop all the knowledge and experienced
from the speakers. before i really indulge myself into marriage.

i wanna know the true way of getting married in ISLAM.. how to build it..n how us as a mother to be can help building ummah starting with our own family.
last time, jahiliyah really make me upside down..
i was being fooled. jahiliyah teach me that couple is sweet.
hanging out together, sharing foods, watching movie even until giving 'everything'  to your partner is a must.
but actually it is not.. it makes the woman seems easy. you are making your way to hell my friend.
did u realise it? did you? me, i realised it when im deeply in love with someone, yet i ignore it!
LOVE IS BLIND!!! yes, thats the meaning of love is blind! you doesnt recognized whether your doings are sins or deeds~ you have been blind..
how can you expect a guy to bring you to jannah if he, couple with you, holding your hands, thinking of you everytime, saying he loves you many times? is that love, my dear friend?
no..it's not.. its a way to hell my friend..
i know, it seems akward to everyone, to our generations rite now, when im telling like this.
maybe people will think, last time you was like dat what. dont be exagerating just because you just attend into this seminar la weyh...
surely people think dat. but you know what?
i dont care what people think about me. i really dont care.

i just wanna share that couple. its not useful at all my dear friend. i had couple more than 5 years, and i end up not marrying that guy..its a waste of money, time, and effort. in this age of us 20's, we shud try and build the ummah. helping each other in dakwah or at least, people who are not in any usrah like me, try and seek knowledge. at least, we cud have something to help ourselves and if we are lucky, we could help others.

hm..i think, i forgotten the real messaged that i wanted to tell everyone here.
what is the meaning of baitulmuslim actually??? do you guys know what is the meaning?????
some of the audience said that baitulmuslim is marriage in a way of islam. some said they dont know.
as for me, before i joined this seminar, i think baitulmuslim is like someone who is extremist religion, who get married via arranged marriage in a way of islam.
there is a misconception here. as i just realised. there is no extremist of islam. they are just muslim/muslimah who know their responsibilities. their responsibilities towards ummah. to be 'khalifah ALLAH' at this dunya.
they know dat they live in dunya just to get HIS blessing, only for HIM. not blessing from others. that is the reason, y is there baitulmuslim.
baitulmuslim is marriage of a muslim which they build, nourish their family in the way of ISLAM, in hoping to get HIS BLESSINGS. so, to start a baitulmuslim, u have to be well equip, starting from now...

all the best everyone. lets changed ourselves to be a good, and much better person by starting from now..
u cant be soleh/solehah in one day, u need lot of effort to be a better person in a length of time.

may HIM help us in everyway. insyaALLAH. =)
salamalaik  

love,

nasirah nasir. =)

ssing :)m

i miss my other half. which i dunno who is it.

when will u appear? hopefully u r in a good condition...

hope u r preparing urself for future..

i am.. but still not enough.

incik i dunno who, harapnya kita bercinta selepas bernikah..

harapnya pernikahan kita menjadi satu perjalanan menuju ilahi.

harapnya pernikahan kita akan diberkatiNYA....

mulakanlah permulaan perjalanan ini, dengan jalan yg diredhai..

serta diberkati.....khalifah ku menunggu  kedatanganmu utk merisik 

anakny...

my dear husband, i miss u.  hope to c u soon... :)

subhanallah... maha suci ALLAH..
yg mencipta setiap makhluk di muka bumi ini..
yang menciptakan setiap makhluk berpasangan.....

hatiku diketuk kembali dgn perasaan suka akan 'adam'.
makhluk tuhan yg mempunyai tgjwb yg besar sebagai
ayah, anak, abg serta suami....

tetapi kali ini,
ku cuba untuk pendam serta buang jauh2 perasaan tersebut,
kerna ku tidak pasti samaada,
si adam itu adalah makhluk yg telah dijanjikan ALLAH untukku.

aku mampu berdoa semoga dipertemukan jodoh dgn yg terbaik,
serta hanya mampu berdoa semoga aku bercinta selepas nikah.

kawan2, sila doakn sy...

>hati yg gusar<

we aint the same

salam... >.<
it has been a while...
i didnt write anything in this blog of mine.
where i put almost all my thoughts, emotions everything inside here.
now, im currently working in HTAN.
as someone who try her best to serve the patients.
not someone who can cure, but try to help them relieve a bit.

many things have change and i realise dat im no longer a child.
im an adult and a child with huge responsibility towards family& myself.
i realise that life aint dat easy.
we have to get thru it without expecting anything.
but do not take life for granted.
do ur best as HE knows whats the best for us.

remember HE is always there for us, not HE who forget us, but we are the one who forgets HIM.

=) nasirah nasir

bersabar wahai diri....

terasa penat!

paeds.. xpew la. =)

another 5 more weeks to go.

insya-ALLAH...

semoga ALLAH mempermudahkan perjalanan kami.

insya-ALLAH....

ALLAH tidak akan membebani sesuatu kaum melebihi drpd kemampuannya. =)

doakan semoga kami semua lulus dlm final mbbs phase 4 tahun ni..

insya-ALLAH...amin...=)

dear __________

dear _____,

im ur kakak.

not ur adik or ur friends which is same age of u. 6 years apart is a huge gap i think.

i never want u to cherish me or appreciate me.

it's juz dat u have to know the boundaries.

it's not that u can tell whatever u want, juz like dat.

u must have some courtesy... did u not learn dat?

life is just unfair.. u get what u want. n i have to strive my best to earn it..

u just dun understand.. as u still have long journey to go...

passing exam...

it doesnt mean when u pass ur exam u r good than anyone else.

it just mean that, u get license to kill...

nasirah nasir.. bear it. u will get that license sooner..

do ur best! =) insya-ALLAH..amin..

just a random thought.

im not a good friend indeed.
i know im not.
im vry sorry for not being one.
netherless, i think my mouth causing people not liking me.
whatever it is. i will always care.
even if people dislike me.

im sorry...

hu....
exam is only less than 7 weeks away.
yet lots of thing not study.
then i have done lots of sins. =(

DEAR ALLAH,
im seriusly stupid.
i dun think straight.
i hope it wont happened again. =(

n i really hope i cud get ur bless.

to everyone who i have known for this brief period.
im sorry for everything.
as i am a human who always do mistake~ =(

i love u, mak ayah.

i miss nenek.... really missing her.... it's my first time pentingkn benda lain drpd my family.... ive never done dat... bila i sacrifice my weekend for study, i felt dat i ve leave them apart.. i know its juz few weeks to go..n i have to work hard for it.. many things i have to do when start working.. yup, i know im like an old lady. fikir tu ini. its not dat i come from a rich family, therefore i have to sacrifice mny things for them. we dun live forever in this world..... so, the sacrifice dat we do for our family especially our dear parents...is only here. in this world. not thereafter..... i hope i cud be anak soleh which cud always help them even when im not here....

dear mak n ayah, i love u.. i love u with all i have.. even if i go first, i will always be ur daughter.. im sorry for not always there for u.. im sorry for not helping both of u. i dun have money, n im not a good daughter. only HE cud reward of u with the best reward. i love u..

arghhhhhh......

salam..
sori.luahan hati.
lama da nak luahkan. tpi x terluah..
terasa weyh...
bila susah, baru nak cari.
bila xda Org nk tlg baru nk cari.
kalow sll mcm xnmpk je.
terasa mcm dipergunakan.
tpi xpew la..sabar. tlg je dgn ikhlas. ikhlas ke?
ak pn x taw weyh. tpi this feeling. xbest sgt

mmg ak x kuar atau ajak org kuar teman sbb ak rasa mcm menyusahkan.
ak jarang minta tlg selagi ak rasa mampu. kdg2 susa sgt independent. sbb org xrasa kita terasa..haha..haish..jadi mcm sofea gak best..xda terasa hati...gigle mcm apaje.

apa pun. hari ni. walaupun mula x best,,akhir2 best..=) alhamdulilah...=)

ya ALLAH...aku memohon...

salam..

ya ALLAH...
tenangkanlah jiwaku...
rajinkan lah aku...
biar la aku belajar dgn corticol level....
berilah ingatan yg kuat....
serta bersihkn lah hati ku....

ya ALLAH,
kurng drpd 70 hari lagi...
aku srta rakan2 akan menghadapi peperiksaan akhir perubatan...
permudahkan lah urusan kmi ya ALLAH...
sesungguhnya kami hanyalah hambaMU yang lemah.
luluskan lah kami dalam peperiksaan ini....
semoga kami dapat menjadi muslim dan muslimah yg sentiasa bekerja dgn niat
membantu agamaMU...amin....

INSYA-ALLAH...AMIN...